Time to move on...hopefully soon

It official. Our house now has an MLS and we are officially on the market to sell. I am so TIRED! What a chore just getting the house ready. Our realtor had an interior designer come over to help us "stage" our house. Give me a break! I thought she was going to help us with our furniture and paint, decorations, etc. But no. She only focused on things that can be seen unless it is opened. She spent and hour going through every cabinet and cupboard of my kitchen "instructing" me on how every thing should be arraigned. "All of your pots and pans need to have the handles facing the same way. As well as the lids need to be stacked in order from biggest to smallest." Are you serious?! When its time for us to leave the house for a showing, I'm going to be more concerned that they are cleaned and not coming in the van with me!
"You need to sort your spice jars and line them up by lid color." "If there's anything untidy, the client will assume that everything else is untidy." Great so now they'll think I'm OCD!
" Your pantry needs to look like the shelves at A.J.'s."
"All your appliances need to have the cords wound up and rubberbanded."
Here's something I found amusing. Its expected that the counter tops in the kitchen be bare of anything that you actually use everyday. But for some reason its okay to place big bowls and vases and such to show off the space. Is that weird. "Take everything off the counters so that the potential buyer can see the space they have to work with. But make sure you put this big bowl of fruit out and you need this and that in this corner to show off the space!" I'm confused.
Moving on. In the closets (linen/coat), "Your shelves need to look like the shelves at J.C Penny." "Tri-folded with the folds facing out. Not all the way to the edge, but close."
And in the master bedroom..."are these the only pillows you have?" "Well then, every morning when you wake up, you need to turn your pillows over so that the wrinkles from where you've slept won't show." "Your room needs to look like a hotel room that you've just checked into."
"Your closet shelves need to look like the Gap or Old Navy."
And in the Master Bath..."No one wants to see the products that you use. So everyday after you shower, take everything out and put it away." This one shouldn't be too hard since its not everyday that I get a shower!
I suppose I should feel complimented that she didn't have anything to say about our furniture or paint choices. (Thanks to Suzanne and Cindy Goff who repainted the inside of our house while they were living in it for us during our short time in Boston. So if she thought we had taste - nope! Here's a shout out to the Goff's!) All she suggested was to purchase a plant or two. Fake of course. Its amazing enough that I've kept Lane's little cup of grass alive,that he got from preschool.
Here's a good one. "Let me see your tableclothes." I have one. "Oh! Well, make sure that you always have it ironed and ready to go. So that when you get that call you can throw it on and be on your way.
Wait, she did have a complaint about our set up. Because our computer is set up on our kitchen table. Is this a problem. ; )
Now, because Pat is concerned that I am being too harsh I will say this. I thought that she was very kind and well skilled in what she does. She's quite thorough and is truly concerned that we do everything we can to sell our house in a timely manner. And for that I was grateful. I just found it annoying because of my own reality. I have 3 kids ages 3, 2 and 1. When I get that call that someone wants to come look at our house. I'm sure it will be like this...Are there any diapers laying around? How much laundry can I stuff in the van around the car seats? Is everyone diapered (or sent to the toilet) and clothed? How fast can we pick up all the toys? But sure, if I get enough notice, I'll go through a broader check list. From now until we move...oh what fun!
Oh and for the record - just for her - I did line up my spice jars, make my pantry look like Trader Joe's (cause I shop there, not A.J's), fold all my linens and clothes to look like some unnamed store, and purchased a few fake plants and flower arraignments. As well as did more packing away.
So, interior designer, thank you for your helps and tips. I apologize for rolling my eyes at you (but only in my mind, of course.) You do your job well. And I'll do my best to live up to your standards.
Here's to moving - I'm tired!